"Something to talk about.."

just came across the song by Bonnie Raitt, and i became nostalgic, i used to listen to this when i was a kid, 9-10 yrs old, i loved this.. and you know what im loving it more because for the first time, i understand the lyrics, before i only liked the beat and the way she sang it.. =)

sad thing about this is, i was able to recall a nasty unpleasant era of my life, more specifically college life. Full of drama-betrayal, confrontations, sleepless nights, long sobbing nights. Ugh! why did i have to recall it. maybe it's time to put it into writing, to put away in my "my solace..my haven" box to be kept locked and forever hidden. since i already faced most of it i guess it's time to rest.

How can my so-called (ex)bestfriend, someone i cared for, whom i understood when no one else would, whom i was patient to whenever she became so frickin' demanding, whom i shared resources with whenever she was left with nothing and no one, betray me? stab me right in the back-as well as the front-ALL OVER???!!! How could she do that to me?? was i mean to her? did i do something wrong? looking back i cant recall that i have done anything that would make her do that to me. i was nice and caring..a bestfriend.. :'/

was she jealous of the new people in my life? was she looking for attention? what the hell was she trying to do? push me to the edge? what a b@#*h!!

201 was the semester i hated. not because of the pressures of schoolwork but because it was as if i was walking around campus headless. i changed. i became so disturbed mentally speaking, i was paranoid, and i suffered from ideas of reference in my opinion. i was sick, attending class everyday was like a cold blooded war for me, not knowing who my enemies were, i just kept my eyes and ears wide open, it sucked. i couldn't focus, i wasn't normal! errrrrr...i just hated that time, everything was crashing, friendships and schoolwork were affected. and that was the time when i wanted to pass. i wanted to resort to ending my life. thank God i didnt.

I got through it. with the help of true friends who stood by me all throughout the whole issue. 201 made me realize who the assholes were and who weren't. it made me a stronger person. boosted my confrontation skill. imagine i confronted her on her birthday, that happened on the 2nd floor of NAC bldg, made her feel bad on her birthday, oh well. sorry.but thats that.

although i got thru 201 and the issue was somehow inactive, i spent the next four levels of my course with paranoia. i didnt wanna meet new people because i was afraid they've come across that news that i dreaded. i had trouble trusting people. ugh!!! i hated the feeling.. then BAM!!! 205 came.. it happened again, this time it was worse, to the point that my bestfriend received a nasty text message about me. Oh dear.. i didn't care anymore, i was through that.

SIGH...

im just happy that i dont have to face those people who are full of shit anymore.. i have my life ahead of me which dont include them. oh and i know the identities of those people who extended their effort to pass the story to other people, i was kinda shocked because these f**kin' people dont know a damn thing about me, and yet they decided to judge me? they didnt know jack about who i was!!!! damn people can be sooooo.... ugh cant even find the right word to describe them. maybe their lives were boring? so they decided to pick on me? was that it? they saw that my life was indulged with more issues? i'll never know..

well.. i guess i just gave them something to talk about.. :P