862 days with you..

I stare at you, soft music playing in the background, makes me wonder: how in the world did we end up here? Life itself is so amazing don't you think? Fate? Does it even exist? Destiny..things that are just meant to be no matter what the circumstances are?

because of you, yes. i definitely believe that some people are just meant to be no matter how shitty the situation is. soulmates. that's what we are. ever since i saw you i always felt this connection between us. strangers we were..then friends..then back to being strangers..it was hell, yes?

my mind right now is like a circus-can't really put my thoughts in order.

all i know is, i love you with everything i am, and im never gonna let you go..
we've been through a lot, to hell and back..i have no regrets whatsoever..
letting go of the things ive held on to..i made the right choice.. im at my happiest when im with you..

i love you..

rough draft..to nowhere..

Why am i always like this?
why am i if not always, most of the time, the first to break down?
why am i always the one with tears ready to fall?
am i that weak when it comes to you?
i guess i am, when tension sets in, i can't help it. i wanna fix it right away esp the little issues..
the little misunderstandings that we have coz ...

you know what i dont even know where im going with this..i don't have a purpose or a main topic.. im lost with the intense emotions i have.. i can be sensitive -- yes i can..and i know you can too..and sometimes you know it makes my heart heavy.. i can't and won't try to be immuned to little issues because it starts there.. the little issues that can't be resolved build up and may be a bigger issue in the future. im avoiding that. why? simple, i dont wanna lose you...

im so sensitive when it comes to you.. dont wanna do the wrong things.. say the wrong words..

...

Albert Einstein : Fell in love and Failed.

Sometimes in our relentless effort to find the person we love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns.

Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words, for you will find rewarding happiness not with man you love but the man who loves you more.

The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance far enough to allow the person to grow but never too far to feel the love within your being.

To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but is also setting yourself free from all the bitterness, hatred, and anger that keep in your heart.

Do not let the bitterness rare you away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it. You may find peace in loving someone from a distance not expecting something in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past, but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.

There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon become a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer, but in the endure efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves.

You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself.

Believe me; you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself.

Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. If you lose love that doesn't mean you failed in love. Cry if you have to, but make it sure that tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

There are two ways to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is though everything is a miracle.

disclosure...?

i wanna tell you something.. it's one of my most personal and deepest thoughts.. and i want you to know about it..

something about me only a few chosen people know, and i want you to be a part of the chosen few..

i wanna tell you because i trust you.. i wanna tell you because i know you'll understand.. im scared yes.. but i am confident that i can say it to you.. so what do you say?...

shoot?...

release..

dammit!
is it worth it?!
am i worth it?!
frustrated!
upset!
rejected!
furious!
it hurts!
-----------------
sunny skies
waves..
sand..
palm trees..
blue water..
water...
horizon..
water..
be calm..

"Something to talk about.."

just came across the song by Bonnie Raitt, and i became nostalgic, i used to listen to this when i was a kid, 9-10 yrs old, i loved this.. and you know what im loving it more because for the first time, i understand the lyrics, before i only liked the beat and the way she sang it.. =)

sad thing about this is, i was able to recall a nasty unpleasant era of my life, more specifically college life. Full of drama-betrayal, confrontations, sleepless nights, long sobbing nights. Ugh! why did i have to recall it. maybe it's time to put it into writing, to put away in my "my solace..my haven" box to be kept locked and forever hidden. since i already faced most of it i guess it's time to rest.

How can my so-called (ex)bestfriend, someone i cared for, whom i understood when no one else would, whom i was patient to whenever she became so frickin' demanding, whom i shared resources with whenever she was left with nothing and no one, betray me? stab me right in the back-as well as the front-ALL OVER???!!! How could she do that to me?? was i mean to her? did i do something wrong? looking back i cant recall that i have done anything that would make her do that to me. i was nice and caring..a bestfriend.. :'/

was she jealous of the new people in my life? was she looking for attention? what the hell was she trying to do? push me to the edge? what a b@#*h!!

201 was the semester i hated. not because of the pressures of schoolwork but because it was as if i was walking around campus headless. i changed. i became so disturbed mentally speaking, i was paranoid, and i suffered from ideas of reference in my opinion. i was sick, attending class everyday was like a cold blooded war for me, not knowing who my enemies were, i just kept my eyes and ears wide open, it sucked. i couldn't focus, i wasn't normal! errrrrr...i just hated that time, everything was crashing, friendships and schoolwork were affected. and that was the time when i wanted to pass. i wanted to resort to ending my life. thank God i didnt.

I got through it. with the help of true friends who stood by me all throughout the whole issue. 201 made me realize who the assholes were and who weren't. it made me a stronger person. boosted my confrontation skill. imagine i confronted her on her birthday, that happened on the 2nd floor of NAC bldg, made her feel bad on her birthday, oh well. sorry.but thats that.

although i got thru 201 and the issue was somehow inactive, i spent the next four levels of my course with paranoia. i didnt wanna meet new people because i was afraid they've come across that news that i dreaded. i had trouble trusting people. ugh!!! i hated the feeling.. then BAM!!! 205 came.. it happened again, this time it was worse, to the point that my bestfriend received a nasty text message about me. Oh dear.. i didn't care anymore, i was through that.

SIGH...

im just happy that i dont have to face those people who are full of shit anymore.. i have my life ahead of me which dont include them. oh and i know the identities of those people who extended their effort to pass the story to other people, i was kinda shocked because these f**kin' people dont know a damn thing about me, and yet they decided to judge me? they didnt know jack about who i was!!!! damn people can be sooooo.... ugh cant even find the right word to describe them. maybe their lives were boring? so they decided to pick on me? was that it? they saw that my life was indulged with more issues? i'll never know..

well.. i guess i just gave them something to talk about.. :P

stranger no more..

you knocked some sense in me with our talk. i thank you from the deepest corner of my heart.
it's amazing how one finds comfort in someone so new, so fresh. strangers meeting in the most unexpected ways. i guess that's the beauty of life, never knowing how things can turn out, surprises out of nowhere. from a simple bump on the street to a quick hi and hello. life throws us these people, and it's up to us to catch them and see the beauty that they bring and their purpose for somehow finding their way to our busy and complicated lives.
another amazing thing i noticed is how some people take forever to build their friendships and relationships, and others..well they don't have to build it, coz it has already been built from that single hello, from that single smile. they just fit. instantly.
People like you make me feel blessed and make me realize the fact that i don't need 100 friends all around me all the time to make me feel loved and appreciated-NO-having 4-5 TRUE FRIENDS beats the hundred.

my bff, my sis, kapwa princess...

went around facebook trying to ask for your number..asked mutual friends but no luck..

i feel at ease when i talk to you kasi.. and just feelin' lost :/

thank you..thank you for bumping into me in this journey of life, i know we weren't close before, heck we didn't even know each other ehehe, but i think you just came at the right time.. :)

it's not like we lost time right? i feel like ive known you all my life..
thank you bff,sister,kapwa princess with gahom gahom!!!

Getting lost...

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