..Lovers' T'rain

..i was on the N express train today, on my way home. I couldn't stop thinking of you, i actually still can't, i don't want to stop. I'm loving every moment, i'm smiling all throughout. sigh. Damn i love you.

it happened near 36st. i was just looking around, i was sitting at the end where i can see almost everybody, then there they were, he was holding her hand as they moved across near the door of the train, they had to stand for all seats were taken, she smiled at him, they talked, they giggled, they stared into each others eyes-i looked away. I couldn't stand seeing how happy they were, it hurt, 'cause all the while, I was imagining us. I was imagining it was you holding my hand, it was us exchanging stares and laughs. I paused and looked down, i managed to put a smile on my face just thinking about you, about us, i felt better and excited.

Just when i turned to glance at them-they kissed. Ugh!! Why did I have to look? it hurt even more.. and the worse part? I didn't stop stealing glances at them kissing and hugging, oh sweet torture. Kept staring and fighting with myself not to look--and they kept kissing..

good. it's my stop

..contradiction

"The cure is if you let in just a little more love, I promise you this, a little's enough"

4:03 a.m. I stare..and I keep staring, into the open nothingness. Clock turns 4:04 a.m. I feel like crying. But i won't, 'cause I'm strong..yeah that's it, 'cause I'm strong.. (and away I pour..)..

Should i put on my best mask for today? I think i should, not to mislead other people nor try to fit in with the rest of the neutral, "normal-living" people, but rather, to help myself, help avoid seeing the real emotions in my eyes. "Aren't you happy?" some might ask. I am, I'm at my happiest; and I realized with great happiness comes great sacrifice. It's that sacrifice that keeps reminding me I'm capable of loving and being unconditionally loved in return. It's that sacrifice that teaches me to stretch my patience, to keep holding on, and to trust in Him.